Jokes

The chicken and the pig were walking down the road one day when the chicken commented to the pig about the generosity of the farmer.

“Let’s do something special for Farmer Brown,” said the chicken.

“Like what?” asked the pig.

“Let’s give him a ham-and-eggs breakfast.”

“That’s fine for you, said the pig. For you, that’s just a donation. For me, that’s total commitment.”

Taken from Life-Giving Love
By Kimberly Hahn

 


A mother discovered her 5 year-old daughter drawing with her crayons on some paper. “ What are you drawing?” she asked.“A picture of God,” the little girl said. The mother replied: “ No one knows what God looks like.” “They will when I get through,” the girl said.

Via Catherine Hall
Taken from Holy Humor
by Cal & Rose Samra


An elderly priest once visited a 2nd grade classroom and asked, “Who can tell me what the Trinity is?”A young girl in the back of the class, when called on, quietly answered, “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” The priest, whose hearing was impaired, leaned toward her and replied, “ I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” “You’re not supposed to,” she quickly rejoined. “It’s a mystery.”

Taken from Life-Giving Love
by Kimberly Hahn

 


A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. “Yes sir,” the boy replied.

And do you always say them in the morning, too? the pastor asked. “No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”

Tal D. Bonham
Taken from Holy Humor
by Cal & Rose Samra

Classic quotes

“You cannot be half a saint. You must be a whole saint or no saint at all.”

St. Therese of Lisieux


“Ask Jesus to make you a Saint. After all, only He can do that.”

St. Dominic Savio


“Follow the [example of the] saints, because those who follow them will become saints.”

Pope Clement I


“We pray to the angels, for they are given to us as guardians.”

St. Ambrose


“Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life.”

Catholic Catechism #336 (quoting St. Basil)


“We need to teach our kids to dream with their eyes open.”

Cheri Fuller


“If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep…Talk to the Shepherd.”

Ruthann Winans


“Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrows.It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie Ten Boom


“Children need models more that they need critics.”

Joseph Joubert


“By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.”

Charles Spurgeon


“The nicest thing we can do for our Heavenly Father is to be kind to one of his children.”

St. Teresa of Avila


“As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the whole world in which we live.”

Pope John Paul II


“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

King Solomon


“What greater work is there than training the mind and forming the habits of the young.”

St. John Chrysostom


“There are many ways to measure success, not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.”

Unknown


“You can do nothing with children unless you win their confidence and love by bringing them into touch with yourself, by breaking through all the hindrances that keep them at a distance. We must accommodate ourselves to their tastes, we must make ourselves like them.”

St. John Bosco


“Courage! I too must learn to force myself. Even if I am tired, even if exhausted, at the end I can find rest on the heart of Jesus.”

St. Bernadette


“Control your tongue and your belly”

St. Anthony the Great


“We have to serve God in His way, not in ours.”

St. Teresa of Avila

Interesting Info

Basic Rules (From Children ages 5-10):

  • Don’t hit
  • Don’t chew with your mouth open
  • Don’t burp in public
  • Close your eyes when you pray
  • Don’t go through red lights
  • Don’t pick off scabs
  • Clean your room
  • Don’t use bad words
  • Go to church
  • Share
  • Stay on the path
  • Say “please” and “thank-you”
  • Be nice to old people
  • Put your dishes in the sink
  • Smile
  • Brush your teeth
  • Listen
  • Don’t call names
  • Tell jokes
  • Obey the rules

Secrets to living beyond 90

  • Work hard
  • Live one day at a time
  • Enjoy nature
  • Read your Bible often
  • Tend a garden
  • Don’t overeat
  • Volunteer to help those in need
  • Have something to look forward to
  • Keep socially active
  • Eat your fruits and vegetables
  • Take naps
  • Keep quiet and stay out of other people’s business
  • Dance
  • Think positively

Collected from individuals over 90 years old
Taken from Lists to Live By Vol.3
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

Teaching the ABC’s to Children

Always be on time.
Be a model of honesty.
Care about their hurts.
Do acts of kindness.
Every day, give plenty of hugs and kisses.
Forget past offenses.
Give occasional “token gifts” of love.
Have a happy disposition-“a merry heart.”
Invest quality time.
Jump for joy…
Keep looking for the good and positive.
Listen to their cares and woes and excitement.
Make adjustments for physical pain.
Never criticize in front of their peers.
Only say words that edify, that they may want to live up to them.
Put on the heart of patience.
Quietly discipline in private.
Recognize that each child is creatively, uniquely different and specially gifted.
Spend time reading to them and listening to them read.
Take care of yourself.
Understand the age-appropriate behavior of each child.
Voice- teach them to share facts, thoughts, ideas, dreams, opinions, intuition.
Welcome their friends.
X-ray to the needs of the heart.
Yesterday doesn’t have to dictate today.
Zoom in on good behavior.

Glenda Hotton, M.A.
Taken from Lists to Live By for every Caring Family
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

 

10 Important Manners to Teach Your Children

  • Meeting and greeting people properly.
  • Being a gracious host and a welcome guest.
  • Good speaking manners: … thank-you, please, excuse me, I’m sorry, and may I?
  • Proper conduct for church and other public places.
  • Writing, coloring, or drawing thank-you notes.
  • Properly responding to invitations and following through on response.
  • Good (not perfect) table manners.
  • Proper telephone talk.
  • Showing deference to elders and authority figures.
  • Opening doors for others.

June Moore
Taken from Lists to Live By for every Caring Family
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

 

Jobs Kids Can Do

4-6 year olds can:

  • Sort laundry
  • Dust
  • Make bed
  • Set table
  • Pick up toys
  • Feed pets
  • Wipe floors
  • Water plants

6-10 year olds can

  • Fold clothes
  • Vacuum
  • Change bed linens
  • Empty dishwasher
  • Prepare lunch
  • Groom pets
  • Plan & plant garden
  • Pull weeds

10-13 year olds can:

  • Wash, dry & fold clothes
  • Mow lawn
  • Rake
  • Wash & dry dishes
  • Wash & vacuum car
  • Plan & prepare meals
  • Clean refrigerator
  • Shovel snow
  • Run errands

13 and up can:

  • Wash windows
  • Paint
  • Clean oven
  • Wash walls
  • Trim hedges
  • Tutor younger sibllings
  • Defrost freezer
  • Wash & wax floors

Doreen Button
Taken from Lists to Live By Vol.1
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

Family Fun Ideas

10 Essential Toys:

  • Puzzles
  • a Costume Trunk
  • a Craft Box
  • Cardboard Boxes
  • Lego
  • Balls
  • Dolls
  • Puppets
  • Bug Jar & Magnifying Glass
  • Play Money & Toy Cash Register

Taken from Lists to Live By Vol.3
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

Ways to enjoy your family

  • Eat dinner together as a family for seven days in a row.
  • Memorize the Twenty-third Psalm as a family.
  • Plan a vacation together.
  • Take a few hours one afternoon and go to the library as a family.
  • Write each member of your family a letter sharing why you value them.
  • Put together a picture puzzle
  • Tell your kids how you and your spouse met.
  • Spend an evening going through old pictures from family vacations.
  • Become a monthly supporter of a Third World child.

Tim Kimmel
Taken from Lists to Live By Vol.2
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Diest

Eight Ways to Practice Humor

  • Keep a journal of ridiculous things that happen to your family.
  • Buy goofy joke books.
  • Encourage your kids to cut out and share their favorite newspaper comics.
  • White out the captions of cartoons, and have your kids write their own.
  • When you’re under stress, look for the lighter side.
  • Develop a playful reaction to a problem.
  • Point out verbal humor like puns and oxymorons.
  • Keep a “lighten up” prop, like fake glasses and a nose, to do when things get tense.

 

Faith Tibbetts McDonald
Taken from Lists to Live By for every Caring Family
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

10 Best Indoor Games Ever

  • CHARADES
    Each person selects a movie, nursery rhyme or song title, then has to get others to guess it by acting it out.
    No words allowed.
  • PING PONG
    With two cheap paddles and one ball, you can play on your dining room table. You can even create your own rules, like allowing shots to bounce off the floor or walls.
  • BLOW HOCKEY
    Make goals on each end of your kitchen table by placing two pieces of tape a foot apart. Divide into two teams, drop a ping pong ball onto the table, bend over, and start blowing. You score by blowing the ball through your opponent’s goal.
  • PILLOW FIGHTS
    If you don’t occasionally have a gentle pillow fight with your kids, you’re missing out on one of the most fun times of all. I suggest one rule: No hitting on the head. Anyone who violates that rule must sit the rest of the fight.
  • PAPER PLANES
    Help your kids fold paper airplanes and see whose goes the farthest. Then place a target on the rug and see how close everyone can come to landing on it.
  • FICKLE FEATHER
    Have everyone kneel in a circle and pull a bedsheet taut, holding it in place with your chins. Place a feather on the sheet and try to blow it away from your side. Score a point for each time it drops on your side-fewest points wins.
  • TABLE HOCKEY
    Position one person on each side of your dining room table, then drop a tennis ball in the middle. Players bat the ball to try to send it past an opponent. If it goes off your side, you’re assessed a point. The ball must roll off the edge-no throwing. Low score wins.
  • BALLOON BLAST
    Divide a room into halves with string, make two teams, and bat a balloon around. The purpose is to keep the balloon from falling on your side.
  • BALLOON SOCCER
    Take off your shoes and use a balloon as a soccer ball, marking out two “goals” in your living room. No hands allowed -but have plenty of extra balloons ready!
  • FOLLOW THE LEADER
    One person leads the family in funny actions (hop on one foot, rub your belly, etc.) Everyone else must follow him exactly.

Jerry and Patti MacGregor
Taken from Lists to Live By Vol.2
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

Great Resources

Did Adam & Eve Have Belly Buttons?

(and 199 Other Questions from Catholic Teenagers)
Matthew Pinto

Amazing Grace for the Catholic Heart

(101 Stories of Faith, Hope, Inspiration & Humor)
Jeff Cavins, Matthew Pinto & Patti Armstrong

Building Better Families (a 5 Step Plan)

Audio CD/Cassette
Matthew Kelly

Arms of Love

Catholic novel promoting chastity and courtship.
Carmen Marcoux (www.courtshipnow.com)

Guiding your Catholic Preschooler

Kathy Pierce and Lori Rowland

The Catholic Family: Image and Likeness of God

Vol. 1: Family Life
Vol. 2: Family Values
Deacon Dr. Bob McDonald

Raising Kids Right

7 Cassettes Audio Series
Dr. Ray Guarendi
www.kidbrat.com | www.catholic.com

Funtastic Conversation Starters for Parents & Kids

Robert C. Crosby

Letter to Families

Pope John Paul II

Lists to Live by for Every Caring Family

Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World

Pope John Paul II

Building Catholic Family Traditions

Paul and Leisa Thigpen

The Power of a Praying Parent

Stormie Omartian

The Five Love Languages Of Children

Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, M.D.

A Little Book of Manners

Courtesy & Kindness for Young Ladies
Emilie Barnes

For the Family’s Sake

The Value of Home in Everyone’s Life
Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

The New Dare to Discipline

Dr. James Dobson

Do you have any suggested resources for Catholic parents/teachers? Share them with us by clicking here!

Conversations with Kids

Children say the Cutest Things! We're always collecting the comments that our children make. Here are a few of the best from around our town of Radway:

  • When Mom was going to the hospital to have her baby, Dominic said: "Mom, don't forget to pack the band-aids. You're gonna need a band-aid." (Dominic, 5)
  • Jenny: "How do you know so much about horses and things?"
  • Réanne: "I guess it was the Holy Spirit that put it in my brain." (Jenny, 6 & Réanne, 7)
  • Mom: "What do you think makes Jesus sad?"
    Dominic: "That somebody doesn't love Him" (Dominic, 5)
  • "If we didn’t have purgatory, heaven wouldn’t be as nice a place because we would still have sin inside of us, and we would be thinking of the sin that’s left in our heart." (Reanne, 6)
  • "We want to tell as many people as we can about Jesus, so they can go to heaven; then there will be more people there and we can have a bigger party." (Reanne, 6)
  • "We have to choose friends that are good for our heart and not bad." (Jenny, 6)
  • "God had a plan for us the minute we got in our mom’s tummy." (Reanne, 6)
  • "Can you bring something you really really like to heaven?" (Dominic, 4)
  • "Purgatory is a place you go when you forget to confess all your sins." (Reanne, 6)
  • "Dad, if I were to shut the door on Jerome’s fingers in Heaven, would it hurt?" (Dominic, 4)
  • "How do we walk up to heaven?" (Dominic, 4)
  • "When I get to heaven, I want to tell Jesus, 'Jesus, you’re nice & you’re special…and Jesus, where would I find St. Dominic Savio and St. John Bosco?' ” (Dominic, 4)
  • Mom asked Reanne : "If you could ask Jesus any question, what would you ask him?"
    She said: "Jesus, could I get to heaven without dying?"
  • Mom said Zac (age 3), “You’re such a big boy!”
    Zac replied to mom, “Yep, and you’re a huge mama!”
  • Mom asked Dominic: "Dominic, what makes Jesus really happy?”
    He replied: “When I’m His best friend.”

Conversation Starters for Kids and You

  • "Tell me about the neatest birthday present you ever received.""What makes you laugh?"
  • "Where would you like to go for a vacation if you could go anyplace in the world?"
  • "If you had to move and could take only three things with you, what would you take?"
  • "What is something you can do pretty well?"
  • "What kind of job do you want to have in twenty years?"
  • "What is your favorite room in your house? Why?"
  • "What is your favorite food?"
  • "What is something that 'bugs' you?"

Jerry and Patti MacGregor
Taken from Lists to Live By for every Caring Family
Compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, John Van Diest

Over the past few years, we asked our daughter (now age 6) the following questions and these were some of her responses:

Q: If I asked God to tell me all about you, what would He say?
A: I love you, come to heaven to meet me and I will meet you and kiss you.

Q: When you’re afraid, what do you do?
A: I ask Jesus in my heart, to protect me.

Q: Why did God give us a Bible?
A: To remember Him, so we can love Him.

Q: Which color is the saddest color? What makes you think that?
A: White… because our tears are white.

Q: What color is the happiest color and why?
A: Red…because Jesus’ heart is red.

Q: What is marriage?
A: It’s when you marry and come into the life of Jesus together.

Q: Where does the sun go at night?
A: It goes into Heaven to sleep.

Do you have any great comments or responses to conversations you’ve had with kids? Please send them to us by clicking here or by fax 780-736-3607.

  • Fold clothes
  • Vacuum
  • Change bed linens
  • Empty dishwasher
  • *
  • Prepare lunch
  • Groom pets
  • Plan & plant garden
  • Pull weeds